It's Not Personal, But It Is

Every time you create something – a story, a poem, a painting, a song, you create something that is part of you.

No wonder then, that when we share this creation with another human being, we feel exposed, vulnerable. Even if on a tiny level, we want whatever we create to be liked, to be accepted, much like ourselves.

I’m not telling you anything new when I say that you can’t please everyone. The same goes for whatever you create. And yet, many times we create art to be shared, to be published.

(For the sake of simplicity, I’ll say “writing” instead of creating.)

If you find yourself scared to share your writing and get feedback, I have some great news for you: It can become easier. Even seasoned authors get the nervous clench in their tummy when they share what they write, but it can become less frightening, if you find the right people.

When I first sent something I wrote to someone I did not know very well for feedback, I was unable to read their response for a couple of days, afraid of what might be waiting for me there. It turned out that this person was really great at giving feedback, and while she did mention some things that did not work out, she had excellent tips on how to make them better. Everything, including the not so great parts, was written in a way that made me feel quite good about my piece.

Later, when we had a chance to chat and I shared my fear of sharing with her, she told me about her experiences and reminded me that, at the end of the day, art is a subjective experience. Some people will love it and some will not get it. Some will be able to point out what could be improve and these people are the ones you keep returning to for feedback.

So the first time you send what you wrote for someone else to read, keep reminding yourself: It’s not personal. It’s all about the other person’s taste and preferences. If you receive a response that is all negative, face how it feels and share it with someone, so that you don’t hold it inside and let it become worse. No one has the right to silence you with their criticism. If you get a great feedback, that includes suggestions and encouragement, then you have found a great writing buddy and, hopefully, both of you will keep working together for many years.

Another thing you can do is join a writing community, where you can share what you experience when receiving feedback. Talking to others who have gone through similar things makes a world of difference. You will find great tools for dealing with negative reviews and criticism and gain some friends on the way.

Here’s to the creative journey.

May you find those who can cheer you on your way and help you improve your craft.